As a little girl, did you dream of a whirlwind romance? Did you fantasize about your prince charming? You know how your husband to be would propose to you, where you would be married, the specific dress you would wear as you walked down the aisle, where you would live, and how many children you would have. You had a vision of your future. Then reality hit.
You discovered that your husband is no prince charming and your ideal life has turned into a waking nightmare. You feel confused, betrayed, ashamed, angry, hurt, disillusioned, and unsafe. These are normal feelings to have when you discover your spouse is a sex addict.
Many women have been where you are and some are exactly where you are now. Right now, it may seem as if you will never smile or laugh again but you will.
“Discovery is usually unplanned or “accidental” 84% of the time ”
Steffens study, 2005
Discovery
Discovery is usually unplanned or “accidental” 84% of the time (Steffens, 2005). The partner finds evidence about her loved ones’ “hidden sexual behaviors.” Terror, rage, fury, or a sense of feeling shell-shocked is normal. Some partners also experience physical effects such as the inability to sleep or eat, throw up, or constantly cry. Lack of concentration or focus can also manifest. It is normal to feel lost.
According to The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), many women who discovered that their spouse had a sexual addiction met 70% of the criteria for PTSD (Steffens, 2005) thus demonstrating that sexual addiction is traumatizing to the partner of a sex addict.
Discovery that your partner is a sex addict can directly affect your sense of safety. What was believed to be a solid, secure, and dependable relationship has been shown to not be the case. It is normal for women to question themselves and to even blame themselves.
Deciding the next right thing
However, it is not their fault. The secret has been revealed and now she has to decide how she will cope with everything in light of truth. Her journey to healing through empowerment begins with her next decision. What does she want to do with this truth?
